It has been a few years since I last wrote. As I read my last post, I noticed a person trying to figure out how to make a greater impact in this world; but not quite understanding how. I have known in my heart that there is something greater to this life; yet my comfortable lifestyle felt so conflicting with whatever “greater” was. I have had some amazing encounters and experiences that have forever changed me. My previous blog posts reflect a tiny part of that. Nonetheless, I have constantly argued with myself about being too comfortable, yet hold quite tightly to $3.00 latte’s. When my husband Brian and I met 10 years ago, I knew there would be something more for us as a couple in how we would live & serve…but I continued to live in the Disney Fantasyland of what real relationships looked like. Then life happened…3 kids were born in three years, and we moved to 3 major cities in 7 years. We were not hurting financially, which perpetuated our little cycle of comfort. Life and marriage were hard and painful, despite our “success”. Our marriage was a constant struggle. It wasn’t until 11-11-11 that we committed ourselves to getting well; learning to love each other sacrificially. We were two very selfish people who needed to get over ourselves. And so it began. We humbled ourselves in community; exposing our hearts and minds to others we trusted. Through those encounters we have received much healing…which sparked even more questions: What are we doing with our life? Even with all our success, healing, and experiences with Jesus, why are we not content? We moved out of our rental and bought our “forever” home. Doesn’t buying a home bring more security, contentment? Well it didn’t. I remember sitting on our living room floor one evening overlooking our brand new “forever” deck. Brian and I had a discussion about someone we knew who lost most of the things he loved, yet had joy and contentment. It was a very sobering moment for me and one I will never forget: I knew we were still holding too tightly to things. Then…Haiti happened. Brian was asked to go on a short-term trip. I knew in my heart while he was there The Lord would provide direction for our family. When he returned…I eagerly anticipated news of our new direction. When we finally sat down to talk it through….there it came:
“I think we are being asked to move to Haiti.”
Ok….not what I had in mind. But for some reason it sounds awesome and slightly not normal and maybe frightening?!
Then he began to share the 3 questions he felt like he was being asked by the Father:
1) Do you love me?
2) Do you trust me?
3) Do you really believe that I will provide for you and your family regardless of what I ask you to do?
His answers (without having to say them): No, No and No. I have to admit that my answers were the same. I knew without even saying it. I also knew that the answer to the last question automatically answered the first two. In reality, we loved our comforts way too much to “take up your cross and follow me”. I liked my comfortable life….thank you very much. Besides, I love on people, I give. I serve you Lord. In reflection….not so much that it hurt.
We have never had a desire to move to another country, yet we were both content with it; despite the myriad of emotions we have felt through it. Life changed forever with that conversation and I was itching to get to Haiti. Thankfully a dear friend planned a trip in September, so we went. I visited this little village on an island off the coast of Haiti we will soon call our home (La Gonave/Grand Vide, Haiti). I can’t say it was love at first sight, but there was a divine connection that I couldn’t deny.
The people were amazingly loving and hospitable. I felt safe and cared for. My heart exploded for these people...
As I sit here writing this I am thinking about my friends in Haiti and how I long to see them, to live life with them, and partner together for the Kingdom.
Grand Vide, Haiti is of the most beautiful serene places I have ever seen...
but so impoverished that it was almost hard to notice the natural beauty.
As I begin telling and sharing of our journey to Haiti, how these beautiful people are changing me (us) and the love of God is overwhelming me (us)....this blog will be about this process of leaving one life behind to embrace another (literally & spiritually). It will be about telling stories and connecting one nation to another. I will still hold the vision of Withholding Stones…which is to first check our own heart before we respond to another’s. I maintain my promise to be transparent, to show we are not “special” or “intimidating”, but just people desiring to live right in His eyes. WE have a story just like you. Let's find our similarities….and cheer each other on this journey for More.
Stay tuned for my next post…Our life in the Basement: preparing for 3rd world living. Kind of.